How to have her over and get her to stay

Posted by: Griff Nov 20, 2013

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It's not your first date, but it is the most important. This rendezvous will make or break your chances for some bedroom intramurals. Until now, you've cruised quite comfortably playing on someone else's turf -- but now it's time to have her over to your place for dinner. Here's what you do.

Drink This

You don't have to spend a ton of cash to have some impressive beverage options. Ladies love when men put thought into something, so create a "signature beverage," which we recommend you borrow from a professional unless you’re a bartender or experienced in mixology. Also offer staples just in case she doesn't like your cocktail; light beers and wines should work. Drinksmixer.com is a great resource for creating your signature beverage. Unless you know which specific spirit your special lady drinks, it's a safe bet to stick with a vodka base and fruity mixers. Think vodka gimlet, cherry vodka sour and creamy rhubarb and vodka cocktail.

Cook This

You can always order out, but it's like they always say, "The way to a woman's pants is through a slightly above average home-cooked dinner." Chicken burritos are delicious and simple to make, especially if you already know how to season and cook chicken. If you don't, look it up, it is not hard.

As for the rest of what's needed. Buy cilantro (produce), burrito-sized tortillas, salsa, sour cream, one large onion, and red and green peppers. Cut all of the vegetables into strips by slicing down the center and cook on medium-high heat with some olive oil. This is called sautéing, which smells and sounds great, makes you look like you know what you are doing in the kitchen and is impossible to screw up. If you do screw it up, you don't deserve to have sex. When the veggies and chicken are done, add the cilantro leaves, the sour cream and some salsa, wrap it up and serve with a side of your choice. Something canned. Hell, you already cooked.

Clean That

Clean your bathroom, you pig. No matter how clean you think your bathroom is, it will always be dirtier than hers. So even if you "cleaned" that cesspool yesterday, Windex that son of a bitch one more time. Focus on the sink, mirrors and toilet. You can always pull the curtain to cover any bathtub inadequacies -- unless you plan on taking her there later.

If all goes as planned the two of you will be making a bed burrito between the sheets in no time. If it doesn't turn out that way, you probably burned the vegetables. 

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Griff

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